Conversation starters

The three rules that make any opener work

1. Make it easy to reply. The other person should not have to work hard to say something back. Open-ended but low-effort beats clever but hard.
2. Keep it contextual. Tie the opener to where you are, what you're both doing, or something you can both see. Context-based openers always beat context-free ones.
3. Don't ask what they do. "So, what do you do?" is the dead-on-arrival opener of networking. It's fine eventually — just not first.

At work (colleagues you already know)

Use these in the kitchen, elevator, pre-meeting lobby, or hallway. Keep them short; most workplace small talk should last 30–90 seconds.

• "How's your week shaping up?" — generic but works because work is a shared frame.
• "Did you end up getting to that thing you mentioned last week?" — instant warmth because you remembered.
• "I saw the [project/doc/email] — congrats on that."
• "Is it just me or has this week felt twice as long as it should have?"
• "Any good lunch spots you've been rotating through lately?"
• "Did you catch the all-hands yesterday? I'm still processing the [specific thing]."
• "How's the [their team/project] going these days?"
• "I keep meaning to ask — how's [the pet/hobby/kid] they mentioned before]?"
• "I just realized we've been in seven meetings together and I still don't know how you ended up on [team]. What's the backstory?"
• "Planning anything for the long weekend?"

For the detailed playbook on each workplace context, see small talk with coworkers.

At work (meeting someone for the first time)

• "How did you end up on this team?" — backstory questions almost always land.
• "What's your week been like?" — lets them pick their own angle.
• "I don't think we've met — I'm [name]. What brings you here?"
• "Are you usually in this office or do you work remote?"
• "I just joined the [project] — what's something I should know that isn't in the docs?"
• "Been here long? I'm trying to figure out who to bug with dumb questions."
• "What's the thing you're most glad to be working on right now?"

At parties and social events

Opening in a social setting is usually less about the line and more about the approach. See joining a group at a party for the physical moves. These are the verbal options once you're in position.

• "How do you know [host]?" — reliable, universal, easy to answer.
• "This is a great [venue/setup/playlist]. Have you been here before?"
• "I'm trying to find the [food/drinks/bathroom] and I'm failing. Any intel?"
• "What brought you out tonight?"
• "Honestly, I've been stuck by the snacks for 20 minutes. How's your night going?"
• "I just walked in — what did I miss?"
• "Is it just me or did this thing get way more crowded in the last hour?"
• "I love that [piece of clothing/accessory/tattoo]. Story behind it?"
• "Okay, I have to ask — are you one of the [host]'s college friends or work friends? I can never tell."

At networking events

The worst thing you can do here is open with "what do you do?" Everyone is saying it to everyone. Differentiate by asking something slightly off-angle.

• "What made you come to this one specifically?" — everyone here made an active choice; asking why feels real.
• "How long have you been in [industry]? What got you in?"
• "What's the most interesting thing you're working on right now?" — gets better answers than "what do you do."
• "Have you been to one of these before? Any tips on the ones worth sticking around for?"
• "What brings you out — are you here hunting for something specific or just seeing who's around?"
• "I'm trying to meet people who work in [adjacent field]. Know anyone here I should talk to?"
• "What's something that's been on your mind professionally lately?"
• "Honestly, I've been at three of these this month. What's your take on the scene?"
• "What's a topic you wish people would stop asking you about?" — high-risk, high-reward; use only if you sense humor.

On first dates

Early in a first date, treat the interaction like good small talk with a slightly higher ceiling: environment-based openers, then genuine follow-up questions, then real topics once there's warmth.

• "Have you been here before? I'm still figuring out the [neighborhood/area]."
• "What does a good day look like for you right now?" — better than "what do you do for fun."
• "What have you been into lately? Shows, books, hobbies, whatever."
• "What's been the highlight of your week?"
• "If you weren't here tonight, what would you be doing?"
• "What's something you've been geeking out about lately?"
• "Tell me about the part of your job you actually like."
• "What's the thing about where you grew up that most people don't know?"
• "Are you more of a planner or a chaos-embracer?"
• "Who in your life right now is annoyingly interesting?" — weird and great.

With strangers in public (low-stakes practice)

These are the openers for baristas, dog park regulars, the person next to you in a waiting room, etc. Low-stakes reps are how you actually get better. (Context on why this works: how to improve social skills.)

• "That's a beautiful dog — what breed?"
• "I keep seeing [this brand of] coffee cup around. Is it actually good?"
• "Did you get hit by the rain earlier? I was not prepared."
• "How long have you been waiting? I'm trying to figure out if I should stick around."
• "This place is much busier than I expected — is it always like this?"
• "I love your [bag/jacket/shoes]. Where'd you get them?"
• "Is it just me or is the [line/wait/crowd] insane today?"

Deeper openers (when you already have some warmth)

Use these only once small talk has established basic comfort. They're excellent for 10–20 minutes in, when you want to move past surface-level and the other person seems open to it.

• "What's been taking up most of your headspace lately?"
• "What's something you changed your mind about recently?"
• "What's a hill you'd die on that most people wouldn't?"
• "What's been the best decision you made this year?"
• "What's something you're really good at that you never talk about?"
• "If you could spend a year getting really good at one specific thing, what would it be?"
• "What's a question you've been sitting with lately?"
• "What's the most interesting thing someone told you this week?"
• "What's the part of your life that's going better than you expected this year?"

Openers to avoid

• "How are you?" — ritual question, ritual answer. Dead on arrival.
• "Crazy weather we're having." — unless it's actually crazy and you both saw it, this is lint.
• "So, what do you do?" — not inherently bad, but bad as the first move in networking. Save it for minute three.
• Scripted icebreaker questions. "If you were an animal..." type questions read as forced every time.
• Negging. Backhanded compliments are a social skill failure disguised as a social skill strategy.
• Anything political or controversial in the first sixty seconds. You can go deep later; you can't recover from going deep wrong.

How to actually get good at openers

Memorizing a list of lines will not make you good at opening conversations. Practicing will. The fastest way: pick two or three openers from this list that fit your typical contexts, use one a day for a week, and notice what happens. Some will work better than others for you specifically — keep the ones that do.

For the structural version of this — why deliberate practice beats memorization for social skills — see scenario-based social training and how Altiora works.